One day when I took Melek to the dog park, a woman walking back to her car confronted me as I was getting out of my vehicle. The conversation went something like this:

Woman: Are you handicapped?
Me: What?
Woman: This is handicap parking.
Me: Yeah…?
Woman: There’s a spot over there. *points to a non-handicap parking spot*
Me: I’m disa-
Woman: *interrupts* Ok, I’m just trying to enforce it so it’s available for you.

First of all, “enforcing” handicap parking laws is a job for the police. If she was genuinely concerned about someone abusing the use of a handicap parking spot, she should call the police and let them deal with it instead of taking the law into her own hands.

Second, and more importantly, this interaction was inappropriate because it’s not up to her to decide whether or not I’m disabled. I’m guessing she decided to confront me because I’m young and look relatively healthy (she clearly didn’t see the wheelchair in my van, the IV tube hanging out the top of my shirt, or my vested service dog in my back seat). If she had, I think it would have been more obvious that I was disabled. We need to break the cycle of thinking disabled people must look a certain way or their disability isn’t valid. Disability doesn’t have a certain appearance, and only your healthcare provider can determine whether or not you’re disabled. Honestly, it’s really no one else’s business unless you specifically choose to disclose that information.

If you see someone park in a handicap parking space with a handicap placard or license plates, please just assume that their doctor approved their permit and that they need that parking space, regardless of how able bodied they may look on the outside. Disability policing is damaging to those of us with invisible illnesses. Don’t try to be the disability police. If anything, you’ll probably make a legitimately disabled person feel inadequate and invalidated. The vast majority of people using handicap parking spots are not trying to cheat the system. Doctors don’t give out handicap parking permits to those who don’t need them. So please, before you try to decide whether someone is disabled and needs to use a handicap parking spot, remember that not all disabilities are visible.